Psychotic Wannabe

"The thing is... The thing is..." "What? What is the thing?" She laughed because she caught my movie reference. She continues, "I always considered myself unloved. I wanted to say that no one have ever appreciated me. The problem is, it's mostly lie. And I've been lying to myself with that for almost my whole life. I didn't know I could do that, until someone I loved appeared in my dream (or a trance, maybe?) She chuckled when she saw me smile. And continued in parentheses, "(The point is,) he shook me by the shoulder and yelled, 'Why are you so blind?' I started to realize that I've been lying to myself. But when I realized the reasons for doing that,... "It's not because I don't need the world to love me. I'm needy in that respect. I'm just afraid of the people I love. I have a history of hurting people inadvertently. Somehow it makes me feel that I don't love them. And when I ponder over what I...

"It's like I've been leading another life, where I really get to know what I really don't know, feel what I've never felt. Or, I'm feeling for someone else. Makes no sense, right?"

It started out when I read a news article about ham radio operators with regards to their help in Nepal (God bless them) That got me thinking about ham radios. There was a campaign for the freshers on their joining day. We(me and The Dude) were looking for ways to wander around. We joined the ham radio team which already had The Hulk. Although we had no idea what ham radio means, we had no problem luring the innocent faces. (And it was not for money. So if anyone didn't get what they wanted, we are sorry but not responsible) The next time I encountered a ham radio was through a movie. A Korean one. Those who are interested to watch this movie should stop reading this. For others, it is about the ham radio that connects two people at different points of time through a ham radio. I didn't get the name this afternoon when I wanted to think about it further. I can see the scenes, the love triangle, the heartbreak. Only the name escaped me. Okay, Google. "Korean movie ...